HAPPY 19TH BIRTHDAY!!!

TIK TOK TIK TOK......Time is ticking at 10.51 right now and I should actually prepare to turn in for the night but no, not tonight because my birthday is arriving in just an hour. Yay I am so hyped!!!
My birthday could be a perfect one if only I don't have to attend work. Seriously, I am so sick thinking of going to work tomorrow. It feels so exhausting to endure until December before I can finally quit that job forever! I wanted to quit already since March but for the sake of my internship next year, I had to keep the job. I just can't stand it any longer I hate to be there and I just don't want to do this anymore! Well, I know instead of grumbling there are much more that's for me to be grateful but please on account of my birthday let me have the little honor to grumble please? Anyway thankfully that previous matter has been resolved, maybe, I don't know I just do not let it weigh on me today. I only wish to look forward to my birthday with a happy and free mind.

Birthdays! That one particular day in a year where the whole complete day feels like it belongs to you. Well, actually everyday belongs to you too but don't you just find this one day special? Uh I can't maintain I can't help getting more and more excited as I keep on writing. I know there are some people that do not find birthdays special and why should I be this excited is because it's just special to me. It marks the day I complete my journey each year since birth and I am still granted to begin another new journey to look forward to the next birthday. In which, birthday itself is actually a reminder of time. Yes, each year it comes, it reminds you that you have gotten older again and when you realize you are getting older you should be aware that your time is getting limited. Time is getting lesser so don't let it go to waste. Start doing what you have to, don't put off what you can do now because you never know if you still have the time to. If only everybody realizes how transient time can be I am sure many could have a more fulfilling life.
So use your time and cherish them while you still can.

This is what makes my birthday this year special as I have a definition for my birthday this year.

Just received a call and I knew it was 00.00, thank you for the birthday greetings dear friends! So grateful to have all of you as I embark on my 19th :)
Now, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!
I hope I can be a better person. 

UNLIKELY TO HAVE A HAPPY BIRTHDAY THIS YEAR

I am so stressed since last Friday my work has been weighing on me. I have been with the company for a year now, this month has got to be the toughest month for me and this makes me wanna cry again.
My work has been peaceful I never thought I would ever fret over handling these Accounts Receivable until last Friday when my Boss whom all this while has always spoken to me in a pleasant tone raised his voice at me when he saw there are some old unsettled credits. It wasn't very nasty but this is the first time he went loud at me.
So there are still several credits from Jan-Apr that one of our creditors hasn't paid yet. It's my job to collect these payments and it happened that when I demanded, they claimed they have paid all their debts, they have no more credits until May. I have to admit it's my fault for not taking further actions upon what they claimed. Something definitely is wrong, either they didn't receive the invoices or we mistook their credit to other creditors or there are just many other possibilities but I didn't check. This is where I failed my job. After my boss broke out at me I immediately checked everything and what blew off my mind is there are records that some of the credits have already been paid! How could I not be terrified. Where's the money?!?!!!
Geez, I am really so vexed I am feeling so helpless now I just can't think what went wrong. There are indeed some they haven't paid but what about the rest? Those with records that they have paid, just where is the money? I swear I never pocketed any money, not even any excess money. My conscience is clear.
Could I have misused the money to pay other's credit? I don't know I am just so stressed thinking of all the possibilities that could have happened and can't figure out anything at all. Please don't tell me I have to cover those credits.... with my own money, no no no please I don't want! I am saving my money so hard for my internship and then if I have to spend them this way is so tragic and it's not small amount of money. It's not even my fault. Sigh, I want to cry already I hate stressing like this, somebody save me please!!! Why this is even happening!! Why such thing has to happen approaching my birthday.
Sigh, I think all there's left to do is just to pray hard.

Image from Google

Talk about Life Priorities

HI!

I really miss writing my blog. I am having things that I want to write all of them here. Here is like a place that I can go to when I feel like being away from the world for a while. A place to be alone, scattering out all my thoughts and having a great sense of belonging here growing my own little world. Sometimes I just enjoy being in my own company so much without having to think of anything or anyone else. 

Sometime ago I took a Tibetan Personality Test that a primary school friend of mine shared. I have always liked taking these kind of tests so I went on with the link, followed the instructions, did the quiz and the results I think were quite accurate. This is one result from five that I want to talk about: the 1st Question- Life Priorities.

I was surprised that I actually put love above my family and money over my pride. Well..... 

1. FAMILY

My family is my everything. I am very thankful for my parents who have been raising me since I was baby and growing up together with my siblings, they are absolutely half of me. 

My dad is a very calm father, he does not scold but talk to us in a good tone unlike my mom who scolds at the slightest thing. Dad has been forever busy, his face says nothing but stress. It really worries me to see him that way, he is just too attached to his career and things got even worse in the recent years when his business flopped, which was one reason I had to give up continuing my studies abroad. Well, what good does it serves to be doing big businesses but unable to thrive with overwhelming profit? Why continue? He could just wind it up or switch but there are probably reasons that he just can't and I can't wait for the day he ends his business. I don't want him to suffer and slog out so hard anymore. 

While my mom until today in my age of 19 ( 9 more days away) still scold and nag at me so much that sometimes I really wish to be away from home. I don't know if I am really disobedient or it's just her. She puts housework above everything else, including my wellness, probably, and she might not have realized but she's being biased. I am not that kind of child that seeks so much love from my parents but I just need them to be caring and equal. I don't care about being less loved but at least treat us equally. Sometimes I really can't stand it but then I can never thank the heavens enough for giving me a self-less, hardworking and good mother who is always there for us, cooking for her beloved husband and children, who has been keeping the house, our home in shape. She has perfected her job as a mother. I hold her in awe.

No matter what, thank you Dad and Mom. I love you both, and my siblings. You are all my greatest treasure in life.

2. MONEY, PRIDE, CAREER  

Money can't buy happiness they say, but still we're all hoping and going after it like mad aren't we? How ironic. Well, it simply means it does but it's not everything. There are many things far more important than money. You can always earn money back but many things once you lose them you can never get them back. Money can be so dominative and at the same time worthless. I have to say that I do love money, I seek for it, but in every way that is right and clean. I need money but I don't live for it. As for pride, yes, I am willing to swallow it down on something that I should or get it hurt when inevitable. Chances are when you let your pride wins over you then there's gonna be things around you bound to be lost.

Money and pride are both labor and fruit of career. Having a good career is one of a bliss but for me I feel that to achieve great career requires huge dedication. One does not simply dedicate. I think there's more to life than building careers which tie you down. I never liked the feeling of being tied up. 

3.  LOVE

Sigh, this is the last thing that I want to talk about. Honestly I really don't know why but my love life is so not functioning. What even am I saying. Well, up to now in my age of almost 19 I have never been in a relationship yet. You must be thinking what's wrong with me isn't it? Well.....

So I spent almost 4 years when I was around 12 year-old liking a guy silently that probably doesn't even know about my existence. I really don't understand how I managed to hold out liking him for 4 damn years and silently at that! Looking back I really regret why it took me so long to move on, that's how my precious time in junior high school was wasted. This is one of the foolish things that I have ever committed in my life. You, if you ever learn the truth about this you better be proud of yourself for once having lasted in someone's heart for such a long time. Until today whenever I recall this matter I can't help feeling agitated, I know I have to put it behind me, he is not to blame but his presence is a bother to me. This feels like a scar.

I am not the kind of girl that takes initiatives and this is a fact that is never going to change. I am a shy person and I fear rejection. I lack courage and entertain negative thoughts. So when I like a guy chances are me keeping it to myself and I hate this as I had did one for 4 stupid years! I learned my lesson.

It's inevitable to grow feelings for someone, including someone that you don't know and this is the worst thing that always happen to me, one-sided affair. I really feel helpless when it comes to relationship. It's either me falling for someone impossible or I do not return their feelings. 

I think I should just go be a nun.

Goodnight.

AVRIL FINALLY LAVIGNE!

Before I decided to blog how life has been going on since my last post, I am back just to share one big and shall ever be a memorable event of my life: 

THE AVRIL LAVIGNE TOUR !

 

OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am so hyped so happy I just don't know how to bring into words how I am feeling. 

Until this minute it's still unbelievable to me that I will finally SEE her in another 3 days!

Ahhhhhhhh I AM GOING TO HER CONCERT!!! THE AVRIL LAVIGNE TOUR!! 

LIKE FINALLY!!!

I'm so touched and not being over-reacting, but the thought of seeing her is making me tearing....... in joy! 

Yeah, who would have known I finally get to see her in my 7th year of being her fan. Yes, it has almost been 7 years... I can never forget the first time she got my attention. She was truly a Girlfriend!

I am sure it is already fated that she is to be my idol. During I was obsessed with Girlfriend, Priscillia lent me The Best Damn Thing and amazingly it didn't take twice for me to listen to the whole album and I had already fallen in love with EVERY SINGLE song in the album. 

At the same time Villia also lent me a cd that has Avril in it, she knew I just began fancy Avril!

I owe it to these two people!

Madness, this song was a total kick I immediately fell madly in love with the song and Avril!

Thank You Villia!

I officially became her fan. It is still so clear to me that day when I was watching I kept on repeating.  

I was just 12 then!

 

 

*It is still very clear in my mind that this is the very first picture I see of her. This!

Looking back I have been her fan for so long. Seven years and still counting and I know I am unlikely to ever stop. I have fallen deep into her, she is already a part of my life. 

She is just so gorgeous to me. Every thing about her.

She sings the best!

 

*The Loveliest Bride

 

Now let me have my blessings okay? The thought of seeing her makes me goes

SEE YOU IN 3 DAYS MY LOVE! 

 

 

Hi

This is the only day I get to rest in a week. The thought of resuming activities again tomorrow makes me goes...............................................

Tomorrow will be the last week of freedom before I start university on the 23rd. The time has arrived, finally. I have been eager to start uni asap for many reasons.

Next Saturday if everything goes well I will be working as a part-time waitress for a wedding dinner. I am so excited!!! Have been wanting to do it since school days, I will get to earn money and have something to do rather than wasting my time at home. Why not. It's a taboo to refuse any money making opportunities.

For the sake of MONEY

TODAY I GIVE IN.

After all I'm grown up already it's okay if you don't understand that. I have learned what is right and wrong and therefore I will not be like before anymore. 

If in the past I would throw tantrums and be mad all day long, right now I am sincere in giving in. It's fine, it's not worth to cause any disputes over such thing it's pointless.....
I am learning to never be angry anymore all my life, sounds impossible right? Though so I won't stop trying and will work hard for that. Hopefully.

All that happens thanks to Dharma. Since the day I learned it, I have really held on to it. It has brought a big impact to my life. Guiding and became the foundation and pillar of my life.
So fortunate to be able to understand the Dharma.

Officially a student of UIB

The past 2 weeks have certainly been a busy but interesting week. Two days of orientation is finally over yesterday, still traumatized over sitting on the floor/road, I can't get over how bad my butt was hurting after a whole day of sitting......

Our group won last night! That's so unexpected. We performed fashion show using newspapers to make our outfit and did Harlem Shake. I think we were the ONLY group where every member joins the performance together with our co-facilitators. Cooooooooooooooooool

The Models!

So far I only have one picture.....


Will start classes on the 23rd, I can't wait, so excited!!! I know when class starts I will be super busy. I won't have the time to watch tv, take my own sweet time and writing here. Anyway I am prepared for that, I prefer a busy life because I don't like to waste my time doing nothing. I like to interact with my environment and the people around. I have been practicing YOLO, it really gets my life going. I love it haha.
Really glad getting to know new friends. Some are really nice people and some other guys are really absurd. By the way there was one afternoon when I was walking to the Ladies, a group of girls-the typical drama queen kind you see on tv-was walking along the corridor conquering every space. I have walked aside to give them some way but they walk like crap and won't give way, so I knocked into a girl and when I was about to turn and say sorry she gave the mean stare at me! You know that kind of stare mean girls do? That's what she gave me! Crap! I have been courteous enough to try to be sorry when it wasn't even my fault! I have given way, you knocked on me and not the other way around.
I was thinking if a group of mean girls are still trending? We are in campus, not highschool. Check yourself out.

I don't know why some people just can't be nice.

Queuing at the next counter.

Okay so some of my friends including my best friend have gone abroad to continue their studies. Really envious. It is what I thought I am gonna do too. It's like queuing in a very long queue to buy a ticket and when it's your turn you are given the sign "Next Counter Please".
Such a big blow.
What can I do? I can only move, comforting myself and praying that the next counter will issue me a ticket. My mom said we can't afford it. Now I keep asking myself was that truly the reason? Maybe it really is, but...... I don't understand why back then I didn't make sure we really can't afford it.

Sometimes I am always wondering if I have made the wrong choice. There's nothing more regretful than making the wrong decision. Especially those that has a big impact to my life.
No assurance, no guarantee, is making me uneasy.
But I still feel thankful no matter what. I know some people can't even afford to go to university.
So I always tell myself it's okay, I am now queuing at the next counter, that is getting a Diploma in UIB. I still have a chance to study abroad for my Bachelor Degree.
Three years from now I hope my Dad will be financially capable to support me study abroad. Of course, not just counting on my Dad alone but me
I hope I can raise my own money although I believe it's impossible to save much.

I still have a hope.

"Better hope deferred than none."

SAMUEL BECKETT, Company

Money does fall from the sky

One more week and I am a month due in job. I have received my pay at the end of June, the amount I deserved for 20 days.
Talking about pay there seems more like to it. If I am not mistaken about that, then I am quite sure I won't give up this job so easily. I will reveal what's more to it when the time comes.

No longer as scared as the past few weeks. Maybe because I learn more and more everyday. I only hope that I can perform my job well and be a valuable employee to the two companies. Yes, I am working double job.

As a debt collector, sometimes there are money that fall from the sky. Generally people pick money that fall from the sky, but now money falls and I do not have the interest. I just feel it's not right, so what do I do with the money? Donate to charity or return it to the sky?
Returning to the sky is impossible right?

Sunday and Haze

Today is Sunday! :)
Now that I am already working I realize the bitterness. So tied up. It is worse than school. I only get to rest on Sunday. In school we have long holidays and I can still walk Like A Boss when I turn up late to school. Unlike work, I have to put off excreting when time is running out! Duhhh

Happened to look at the calendar and it's the 23rd of June today. I am reminded of my birthday which is 2 days away. I often wish I forget my birthday and be reminded on the day by the people around me, that makes birthday more special!
Anyway this month the thing that I am most looking forward to is not my birthday but my first salary!!!
Hehehe
Maybe by next week I will have received my first official salary!
I miss earning money by selling snacks to the juniors in school many months ago, which is illegal, but I gave no damn. Business was really good!!! How I miss it!!!

Still worrying about my job performance as I am still newbie and have no working experience yet.
2 days ago Boss gave an amount of money to be stored in the hotel's bank account but I made a mistake of storing the money into the tours&travel account. Blunder! Arrghhh!!
Good thing the two companies are one group or I can't imagine if I stored it into any other's account............. I CAN'T IMAGINE!
It wasn't a small amount of money.
Felt like a failure after making that mistake, this is the second mistake I made.
The current collector told me it's fine to make mistakes since nobody's perfect and I am still new. I have learned again from this mistake.
I am such a big klutz!!!

Still not over with the haze issues that started from my country, Indonesia. The pollution was really bad in Singapore and it is so stupid that in social media the Indonesians, Singaporeans and Malaysians, the affected countries, blame one another, pointing fingers at who's responsible for the pollution. People are only good at blaming.
It's really saddening as this means we lose a large forest. Every single person in the world should be educated about the importance of a forest.
I learned that in the many things we use everyday like soaps, biscuits, etc. has created a high demand in palm oil so it is why, when lands are not enough to grow, they target the forests for space which causes environmental issues like threats to wildlife and pollution. Clearing forests to plant palms needs to be done under much consideration and law. Greed and overpopulation should be taken in hand.
Learning all that I decided to consume less palm oil, it is quite impossible to not use it at all.
So before buying some products it is wise to check the ingredients. If it contains palm oil (vegetable oil/fats), make an exception only if you REALLY NEED it.
I will try to kick away eating biscuits since they are unhealthy too.

Tomorrow marks my first week!

It is so unpredictable when few weeks ago I have decided to just work for my Daddy but tomorrow marks the first week of my job!

I have started working!

I got my job through a group in Facebook.

After I submitted my job application I received a call for an interview. I was 30 minutes late because of spending the whole morning with Fery. While on my way I told myself if being late will cause my failure to get the job I am fine with it, I don't find what's potential in being a cashier anyway. Yes, I applied for a position as cashier. I don't know what got out of my mind. All I care was just getting into a Tour&Travel company. If you think I look down on cashiers, NO! But I believe everyone in the entire world would want better jobs if they have the chance and choice. I don't look down on lowly jobs but people always want better things isn't it?

I think the one interviewed me was the boss personally. He said I am not suitable to be cashier because I will be attending university. Cashiers work up to night time. He was glad with my being able to speak and write English, he said that makes me suitable as tour guide/leader which is exactly what I wanted. I told him that's what I want but still I am not suitable because I attend university at night, how do I have the time to lead a tour. Unfortunately, the tours division has no vacancy too.
Little did I think he offered me an alternative job, that is to be a Collector. As the job is pretty outgoing I got interested, besides that I will be provided with one meal daily (in monetary form) and transportation. Why not giving a shot right? I told him I want to work right at the spot.

Shortly after walking home he gave me a call that I am to start work the next day!!!
Hip hip hooray!

I am still under learning from the current Collector, she's resigning so she will teach me everything until I can and then leave, replacing her. My job is not complicated but I find it hard to explain what it's like.

So far until today job is pretty easy or maybe I have not faced any real problems yet. Plus I have tips from this job!!! Awesome! I can't wait to receive my pay too!
I hope one day later I won't regret taking up this job but I am so hit that I actually cleanly forgotten about the hotel that is still under construction that I die die wanna work in! How could I actually forget cleanly about it! Such a shame because I find that new hotel very promising.
Well , the phrase goes If it's meant to be it will be.

PROM NIGHT

Too many pictures to upload.
As the saying goes "One picture holds a thousand stories."


So the prom ended around 1 am we went to Siang Malam for chicken rice. McDonald was too crowded. It's so hilarious the way we were dressed we settled in that kind of eatery. I changed my gown and still had my make-up. I loved the make-up that was done for me. I wanted it to be very simple. Finally got home and ended up on bed at 3.
Sadly some of our dearest teachers weren't able to attend. Like our Class Adviser Ibu Ririn and religion teacher Ibu Sugi... And the prom has costed me so much money!!! I won't forget how much I have wasted!

Mom is back from China! She bought me the kind of purse that I wanted. Thank you Mom<3 p="">Today I asked her if I must work for my Dad. Why didn't he talk to me about it? She said Dad thinks it's already useless to say to me as I won't obey. I didn't regard at her words because I simply believe that things are not that complex and it's obviously so.
So I decided maybe I will just settle at my Dad's first, I told her Dad's company is damn faraway, transportation will be hard. At the end of the conversation she has told me that if I want to work at another place just go for it.
Out of filial piety and duty I feel I should help my Dad, so while waiting for the new hotel to be ready or until my college starts, I have decided to work at my Dad's.

These few days I have been wanting an Iphone
The very surprising thing is on this exact day Mom happened to ask me if I want any phone and she's going to buy it for me. These words are like comets. Happens only once 78 years.
As my sister also wants a new phone,maybe she is going to buy it all together.

She asked it at the right time but I have my own ideas. 

Everyday I am living trying to be content and thankful for even the smallest thing in life. Even just a cup of water becomes a luxury to me when I drink it as I think of the places where water is not accessible, really miserable.

There is just so much things in life that can make you feel content so instantly and if you don't try you will only end up greedy and never ever satisfied.

I know the theory of Wants and Needs. Even if I want something, I will make sure that I need it.

I have a miserable feeling that always haunts me at nights when I am about to sleep during traveling or sometimes when I am outside the house having fun and it is always happening at night. It happened again last night after prom ended. I can't identify why I feel like that, there's a blend of sorry and guilt that I can't describe. It's just a really bad feeling!!! I don't wish to feel....