Hi

This is the only day I get to rest in a week. The thought of resuming activities again tomorrow makes me goes...............................................

Tomorrow will be the last week of freedom before I start university on the 23rd. The time has arrived, finally. I have been eager to start uni asap for many reasons.

Next Saturday if everything goes well I will be working as a part-time waitress for a wedding dinner. I am so excited!!! Have been wanting to do it since school days, I will get to earn money and have something to do rather than wasting my time at home. Why not. It's a taboo to refuse any money making opportunities.

For the sake of MONEY

TODAY I GIVE IN.

After all I'm grown up already it's okay if you don't understand that. I have learned what is right and wrong and therefore I will not be like before anymore. 

If in the past I would throw tantrums and be mad all day long, right now I am sincere in giving in. It's fine, it's not worth to cause any disputes over such thing it's pointless.....
I am learning to never be angry anymore all my life, sounds impossible right? Though so I won't stop trying and will work hard for that. Hopefully.

All that happens thanks to Dharma. Since the day I learned it, I have really held on to it. It has brought a big impact to my life. Guiding and became the foundation and pillar of my life.
So fortunate to be able to understand the Dharma.

Officially a student of UIB

The past 2 weeks have certainly been a busy but interesting week. Two days of orientation is finally over yesterday, still traumatized over sitting on the floor/road, I can't get over how bad my butt was hurting after a whole day of sitting......

Our group won last night! That's so unexpected. We performed fashion show using newspapers to make our outfit and did Harlem Shake. I think we were the ONLY group where every member joins the performance together with our co-facilitators. Cooooooooooooooooool

The Models!

So far I only have one picture.....


Will start classes on the 23rd, I can't wait, so excited!!! I know when class starts I will be super busy. I won't have the time to watch tv, take my own sweet time and writing here. Anyway I am prepared for that, I prefer a busy life because I don't like to waste my time doing nothing. I like to interact with my environment and the people around. I have been practicing YOLO, it really gets my life going. I love it haha.
Really glad getting to know new friends. Some are really nice people and some other guys are really absurd. By the way there was one afternoon when I was walking to the Ladies, a group of girls-the typical drama queen kind you see on tv-was walking along the corridor conquering every space. I have walked aside to give them some way but they walk like crap and won't give way, so I knocked into a girl and when I was about to turn and say sorry she gave the mean stare at me! You know that kind of stare mean girls do? That's what she gave me! Crap! I have been courteous enough to try to be sorry when it wasn't even my fault! I have given way, you knocked on me and not the other way around.
I was thinking if a group of mean girls are still trending? We are in campus, not highschool. Check yourself out.

I don't know why some people just can't be nice.

Queuing at the next counter.

Okay so some of my friends including my best friend have gone abroad to continue their studies. Really envious. It is what I thought I am gonna do too. It's like queuing in a very long queue to buy a ticket and when it's your turn you are given the sign "Next Counter Please".
Such a big blow.
What can I do? I can only move, comforting myself and praying that the next counter will issue me a ticket. My mom said we can't afford it. Now I keep asking myself was that truly the reason? Maybe it really is, but...... I don't understand why back then I didn't make sure we really can't afford it.

Sometimes I am always wondering if I have made the wrong choice. There's nothing more regretful than making the wrong decision. Especially those that has a big impact to my life.
No assurance, no guarantee, is making me uneasy.
But I still feel thankful no matter what. I know some people can't even afford to go to university.
So I always tell myself it's okay, I am now queuing at the next counter, that is getting a Diploma in UIB. I still have a chance to study abroad for my Bachelor Degree.
Three years from now I hope my Dad will be financially capable to support me study abroad. Of course, not just counting on my Dad alone but me
I hope I can raise my own money although I believe it's impossible to save much.

I still have a hope.

"Better hope deferred than none."

SAMUEL BECKETT, Company

Money does fall from the sky

One more week and I am a month due in job. I have received my pay at the end of June, the amount I deserved for 20 days.
Talking about pay there seems more like to it. If I am not mistaken about that, then I am quite sure I won't give up this job so easily. I will reveal what's more to it when the time comes.

No longer as scared as the past few weeks. Maybe because I learn more and more everyday. I only hope that I can perform my job well and be a valuable employee to the two companies. Yes, I am working double job.

As a debt collector, sometimes there are money that fall from the sky. Generally people pick money that fall from the sky, but now money falls and I do not have the interest. I just feel it's not right, so what do I do with the money? Donate to charity or return it to the sky?
Returning to the sky is impossible right?

Sunday and Haze

Today is Sunday! :)
Now that I am already working I realize the bitterness. So tied up. It is worse than school. I only get to rest on Sunday. In school we have long holidays and I can still walk Like A Boss when I turn up late to school. Unlike work, I have to put off excreting when time is running out! Duhhh

Happened to look at the calendar and it's the 23rd of June today. I am reminded of my birthday which is 2 days away. I often wish I forget my birthday and be reminded on the day by the people around me, that makes birthday more special!
Anyway this month the thing that I am most looking forward to is not my birthday but my first salary!!!
Hehehe
Maybe by next week I will have received my first official salary!
I miss earning money by selling snacks to the juniors in school many months ago, which is illegal, but I gave no damn. Business was really good!!! How I miss it!!!

Still worrying about my job performance as I am still newbie and have no working experience yet.
2 days ago Boss gave an amount of money to be stored in the hotel's bank account but I made a mistake of storing the money into the tours&travel account. Blunder! Arrghhh!!
Good thing the two companies are one group or I can't imagine if I stored it into any other's account............. I CAN'T IMAGINE!
It wasn't a small amount of money.
Felt like a failure after making that mistake, this is the second mistake I made.
The current collector told me it's fine to make mistakes since nobody's perfect and I am still new. I have learned again from this mistake.
I am such a big klutz!!!

Still not over with the haze issues that started from my country, Indonesia. The pollution was really bad in Singapore and it is so stupid that in social media the Indonesians, Singaporeans and Malaysians, the affected countries, blame one another, pointing fingers at who's responsible for the pollution. People are only good at blaming.
It's really saddening as this means we lose a large forest. Every single person in the world should be educated about the importance of a forest.
I learned that in the many things we use everyday like soaps, biscuits, etc. has created a high demand in palm oil so it is why, when lands are not enough to grow, they target the forests for space which causes environmental issues like threats to wildlife and pollution. Clearing forests to plant palms needs to be done under much consideration and law. Greed and overpopulation should be taken in hand.
Learning all that I decided to consume less palm oil, it is quite impossible to not use it at all.
So before buying some products it is wise to check the ingredients. If it contains palm oil (vegetable oil/fats), make an exception only if you REALLY NEED it.
I will try to kick away eating biscuits since they are unhealthy too.

Tomorrow marks my first week!

It is so unpredictable when few weeks ago I have decided to just work for my Daddy but tomorrow marks the first week of my job!

I have started working!

I got my job through a group in Facebook.

After I submitted my job application I received a call for an interview. I was 30 minutes late because of spending the whole morning with Fery. While on my way I told myself if being late will cause my failure to get the job I am fine with it, I don't find what's potential in being a cashier anyway. Yes, I applied for a position as cashier. I don't know what got out of my mind. All I care was just getting into a Tour&Travel company. If you think I look down on cashiers, NO! But I believe everyone in the entire world would want better jobs if they have the chance and choice. I don't look down on lowly jobs but people always want better things isn't it?

I think the one interviewed me was the boss personally. He said I am not suitable to be cashier because I will be attending university. Cashiers work up to night time. He was glad with my being able to speak and write English, he said that makes me suitable as tour guide/leader which is exactly what I wanted. I told him that's what I want but still I am not suitable because I attend university at night, how do I have the time to lead a tour. Unfortunately, the tours division has no vacancy too.
Little did I think he offered me an alternative job, that is to be a Collector. As the job is pretty outgoing I got interested, besides that I will be provided with one meal daily (in monetary form) and transportation. Why not giving a shot right? I told him I want to work right at the spot.

Shortly after walking home he gave me a call that I am to start work the next day!!!
Hip hip hooray!

I am still under learning from the current Collector, she's resigning so she will teach me everything until I can and then leave, replacing her. My job is not complicated but I find it hard to explain what it's like.

So far until today job is pretty easy or maybe I have not faced any real problems yet. Plus I have tips from this job!!! Awesome! I can't wait to receive my pay too!
I hope one day later I won't regret taking up this job but I am so hit that I actually cleanly forgotten about the hotel that is still under construction that I die die wanna work in! How could I actually forget cleanly about it! Such a shame because I find that new hotel very promising.
Well , the phrase goes If it's meant to be it will be.

PROM NIGHT

Too many pictures to upload.
As the saying goes "One picture holds a thousand stories."


So the prom ended around 1 am we went to Siang Malam for chicken rice. McDonald was too crowded. It's so hilarious the way we were dressed we settled in that kind of eatery. I changed my gown and still had my make-up. I loved the make-up that was done for me. I wanted it to be very simple. Finally got home and ended up on bed at 3.
Sadly some of our dearest teachers weren't able to attend. Like our Class Adviser Ibu Ririn and religion teacher Ibu Sugi... And the prom has costed me so much money!!! I won't forget how much I have wasted!

Mom is back from China! She bought me the kind of purse that I wanted. Thank you Mom<3 p="">Today I asked her if I must work for my Dad. Why didn't he talk to me about it? She said Dad thinks it's already useless to say to me as I won't obey. I didn't regard at her words because I simply believe that things are not that complex and it's obviously so.
So I decided maybe I will just settle at my Dad's first, I told her Dad's company is damn faraway, transportation will be hard. At the end of the conversation she has told me that if I want to work at another place just go for it.
Out of filial piety and duty I feel I should help my Dad, so while waiting for the new hotel to be ready or until my college starts, I have decided to work at my Dad's.

These few days I have been wanting an Iphone
The very surprising thing is on this exact day Mom happened to ask me if I want any phone and she's going to buy it for me. These words are like comets. Happens only once 78 years.
As my sister also wants a new phone,maybe she is going to buy it all together.

She asked it at the right time but I have my own ideas. 

Everyday I am living trying to be content and thankful for even the smallest thing in life. Even just a cup of water becomes a luxury to me when I drink it as I think of the places where water is not accessible, really miserable.

There is just so much things in life that can make you feel content so instantly and if you don't try you will only end up greedy and never ever satisfied.

I know the theory of Wants and Needs. Even if I want something, I will make sure that I need it.

I have a miserable feeling that always haunts me at nights when I am about to sleep during traveling or sometimes when I am outside the house having fun and it is always happening at night. It happened again last night after prom ended. I can't identify why I feel like that, there's a blend of sorry and guilt that I can't describe. It's just a really bad feeling!!! I don't wish to feel....

Happy Vesak and I Passed!

 Happy Vesak 2557

Prince Siddhartha was born on this day,
Became enlightened and found peace on this day,
But sadly, on this day he also passed away.

Children wait till night,
To see Vesak bloom and the streets filled with lights,
And the full moon like a pie,
shining ever so bright.

Incense sticks are lit, its smell
binding us to Lord Buddha's past.
Buddhist flags are cast,
Even after Vesak is over,
its memories last.

Devas might be smiling
while they watch us one by one,
Pay gratitude to the Enlightened One.

By Shenali Wijesinghe (10 years), Asian International School

Few months ago when I saw that picture (above) in Facebook, a strong urge pushed me to draw the Buddha despite how terrible I am at drawing. I think I posted that I can't even draw a proper tree years ago in one of my posts but nothing could stop me and I began drawing. Still remember how serious and passionate and carefully I was drawing on that moment till halfway I stopped because it was already late. As time passes, there was still no urge to continue. You know when you do something you have to be driven to do it really well so until today on this Vesak Day I really want to finish it and write "Happy Vesak Day" at the bottom of the paper. Who knows.....


I couldn't find the paper I drew.............


Getting sad won't solve the problem, Buddha taught us not to be attached to anything, they will only bring you sufferings. Nothing is permanent.

I decided to draw a new one, but I can't do it well because I push myself to draw. It needs to be done naturally. So until half again I am doing it... someday later maybe I will complete it.

Going to temple tonight!

Happy Birthday Buddha Gotama.
Thank You.
May all beings be happy
One thing in my life that I am most grateful of and is precious to me is learning Buddhism.

And yesterday was the announcement of the National Exam results. When we were assembled together and listening to the teachers I really didn't know what to feel. It was so confusing to choose between to feel relieve or anxious. One side broke to us that none of us failed but then the other side starts to act otherwise. Some even began crying. When I chose to feel relieve they made me anxious and then to relieve me again. That screwed feeling.... ugh.

When we were to open our results together, I didn't!!! I was nervous!! I just kept on peeping at my paper. I didn't care about the FAILED or PASSED word. I was more stressed to face my score.......

For Bahasa Indonesia I am very surprised it turned out better than my expectation. During the exam I finished it till the last minute still feeling unsure, it was really harder than usual, I had no faith in my answers at all. Thankful! But I wish I got 3 more items correctly. STILL THANKFUL!

I didn't expect to only have 1 mistake in English, this is impressive!
Maths is insanity. Ahhhhhh
The subject I used to hate and suck most at, became a touching story for me~ I want to thank my Maths teacher so much because I believe he taught us so well, this is the proof. Thank you!!!
I only made 2 mistakes in the exam!! Unbelievable!!!
Waking up at 2 am to study till morning, my efforts were not wasted!
Though I think I have forgotten what I learned now.

Economics also got better than I expected, while Sociology is so devastating. That is not what I expected. I said I don't want to have a 6. I think I have underestimated this subject...
Confidence did not help much in Geography.

Average = 7.94
Only a mere of 0.06 to get an 8 is making me hysterical!!!


And I am wondering why my Mom can text me and I can text her back too while she is in China......

The next phase of my life now begins.
Goodbye school. I love you!
Thank you for the memories and shaping me to what I am today.
Thank you for giving me the people that were and still in my life.
Can't see you anymore. 

First JOB Interview

First of all

Happy 19th Birthday Audina!!!

Yesterday at Nelly's home I received a call from the car company that I applied! Damn hyped and very excited about it. Felt good. They asked me to go over for interview today at 11. I rushed and wanted to be on time, or earlier to create a good impression but alas leopard never changes its spot, I didn't make it at 11am sharp. Anyway I want to blame houseworks for that, all thanks to mopping and sweeping the floor that took so much of my time. This house DESPERATELY NEEDS a maid! Been doing houseworks since young and it's making me so sick of it! I hate it so much.
So when I reached there I look for the person I was told, I was happily imagining working in a showroom. Then a lady escort me to another showroom instead and gave me a paper to fill in. Damn, I wrote so ugly because I was really nervous and my hand kept on trembling, had a hard time to keep calm and took a long time to fill in the paper until the HR in-charge asked me in, I told her I haven't finished and she said just finished it inside. I really took a long time to answer while she's waiting for me, she must have waited for so long.
I can't answer questions like this:
1. Give 3 of your strengths
2. Give a reason why our company is worth hiring you.

I hate those kind of questions.
It has passed anyway and I don't feel like writing anymore, anyway I can't agree to its policy. Do you imagine working everyday and only get a 2 days rest in a month? I am not a steel nor a robot.

Stayed in school after the interview until they are done with the Prom thingy before proceeding to give Audina a surprise!

Then we accompanied her to look for a gown for Prom. We will have our senior prom on the 1st of June.Talking about prom makes me agitated. I rented a gown for Rp 320.000 and bought heels for Rp 340.000! Bleeding the hell out of me. another make-up and hairdo means extra money! For Heaven's sake.
After Audina found her gown, we went for dinner. Her gown is ravishing!!!
And I walked home.
 

16th of the month

When it comes to the 16th of every month it means ALLOWANCE DAY!

But actually it is never punctual, we always receive our allowance in delay. My dad is busy, how can he remember such thing and his struggle (in business) always puts us off to ask our allowance from him. When I want something, I NEVER ask it from him directly. I couldn't. It is always through my mom. I really can't bear to ask anything from him. I know he won't say no, that's why I know I will only be adding his burdens. I also keep on refraining myself to 'play' when he's around. Play means like: using my phone, touch the ipad, etc. I don't him to think that I am already big but still insensible. Sometimes in the past, it's possible to not see him at all for a whole day, I don't really communicate with my Dad and that's what really sad for me... I wish we were closer.. even my siblings too. The thing that I have always wanted to do but never have the chance yet is just to give him a massage.... I wish someday I could. 

So if everything goes well, tomorrow I will be submitting a cv to a car company. They posted an ad on the newspaper, they are hiring! I got attracted to its Marketing because the requirements are damn simple: owning a driving license and graduate of senior high school. That's all. I want to give it a shot so I turned down ce Yina's recommendation. I went to Central today to have her review my cv but the laptop battery was drained so I just asked her to send an example of good cv to me. She told me that she was afraid the job isn't really 'marketing' she was afraid the job is being the 'coach' for test drives, because why would you need a driving license? I agree with her...  

I don't know. I am confused. Anyway no harm submitting. IF I get picked then I will be given the full details of my job and if it doesn't turn out to be what I want I can simply reject! I need to rush out another cv asap.

Tomorrow will be the general rehearsal for our graduation. I am really pissed that some of our classmates are such non-chalant. So indifferent and unconcerned. HELLO? We are going to have a graduation and they only came ONCE for the practice or leave before the practice ends. Where are their senses? How could they don't give a hoot at all? Graduation is a big event in life. If you can't even appreciate it, I really don't know how you need to carry on your lives. None of my business actually, just saying.

It's 16th of May! I can never forget this day! Precisely today a year ago, I started to join Batam Tectona, my volleyball club! But my time in the club is less than a year, only roughly around 6-7 months.. I am so passionate towards this sport. I thought joining the team can make me a professional player but I have stopped training since February!! 

It's been damn 3 months I have stopped and this is not what I want!!! Sigh. 

It all started because I injured my themor (lower part of the thumb) while playing volleyball at school. It was really painful at first and I just let it be thinking it will heal by itself. I had also been aiding myself, applying meds and giving it a rub on my own. Who knows as time passes by, instead of healing it got worse. It hurts everytime I am on training especially while tossing the ball. My themor was badly swollen and I only started to get myself treated 3 months after the incident. Outrageous huh? I visited so many different physicians just to cure my hand, I even went very faraway just to get treated. It was despairing that my hand never got better until my aunt recommended a place where his husband was treated. After 2x of bandaging, the swell was completely off. Nothing beats that happiness of recovering!

Since my hand just got recovered my Mom didn't allow me to return training. Well even if I didn't get injured, she still won't allow me. At the same time Chinese New Year was approaching so I just stopped and who knows until today I still have not returned yet. Very saddening.

You have to know how hard it was for me to keep staying in the club. Too many obstacles and lots of problems that made me grieved. The tears that I shed just to keep on training. I never failed crying after every training, not because of the harsh train. But.... ( I don't think I will say it)

I always have to leave training before it ends just to rush home and I would go home getting scolded and worse than that. Never had a perfect thorough training. Thinking of all that is making my tears flowing. Really sad that I am not allowed to do one of the things I love most in life. It was really hard to have no support from the people that I needed. Nevermind if there were no supports but why give me pressure? and those abuses... mentally and physically.

Anyway I doubt I will ever go back to the club anymore. Just sometime ago I learned that my coach has been assigned a project and need to move to another city for 8 months. It is impossible to train without him. He is our only backing because he is a chinese like us. If he's gone how do I and Vivi continue training without a chinese at all in the club? We will only be treated as air.

Because of his departure we can't go back anymore.... 

I really don't want to stop training!!! I want to be a professional player.

I guess it's only just a dream to me now..?

Picture from Google

Writing in the dark

Been going to school to do the rehearsals for our upcoming graduation on this Saturday, 18th of May. 2 more to go before the final general rehearsal, which is this Friday. On the 25th will be the announcement of PASS or FAILED in the National Exam. The defining moment of our life.

Since school ended, I really have nothing to do at home. I can't believe I keep on sitting the day away.
1. Wake Up
2. Breakfast + Procrastinate
3. Mop the floor (the maid left after a month working! damn!)
4. No Rehearsal = wasting the day at home / go to granny's
5. Home. Bath and dinner
6. Ironing Clothes
7. Play till late night and sleep

I really hate that daily routine. Such a waste of life. I really wish school is still available. Sigh.
Yes, I know, I better get a job right? Some of my friends have started working. Let's talk about getting a job.

Ce Yina has been such a kind person. She has been recommending jobs for me. First was ticketing at a Tour and Travel company. I should get hyped right? Since it's the place where I wish to work. I even prepared a cv,  I went to google to see how to make one but I am still doubting the format.... is it really like this?!

I personally love the format because it is precise, clear and straightforward. Unlike those typical listings of biodata. Too boring and very ordinary.

I am only halfway done with the cv. I don't know how to fill in some data like 'Experience' since I just graduated from school and I have nothing more to add. 'Scholarships and Certificates'? I feel so sorry to say how worthless I was in school. I didn't have any achievements at all. What a failure! I am!

I think I can't have the job because it is very unclear. I asked Ce Yina for the direct person to contact but I got nothing. So I think this job is out. Actually I have been eyeing on a new hotel that is still under construction. It is almost done and commercial says 'Opening Soon'. So I went there to check for job vacancies but to no avail. Have they started recruiting? I need to act fast or all vacancies will be filled. I really wish to work in this new hotel. I will dig further information. I am set to grab a job there.
Again today Ce Yina recommended me another job again, she told me it's a work in the hotel. Of course I was delighted to receive the news, hotel is another place where I wish to work. When I ask what position is it my joy dropped. It's the Accounting department.
The word Accounting really creeps me out. I have said I won't do Accounting, because I am really fear of it. I don't even know what on earth do I know about accounting. General Journal? Taxes? That's all I know probably. It's tough. I have never been good in Maths and Accounting has it, plus the journal thingy, I have a really big fear of bungling up the work.
But I know I must not run away. I feel the need to face up to it and learn if I can't! Anyway this is the right time for me to gain experiences. As I have said before I practically wanna taste every job before I really stick to one job: my dream job.
One problem about this hotel job is the hotel is really far. I have no idea if my parents will agree. And I don't know if I will have problems with it. I really don't wish to say No to Ce Yina......
Talking about my parents, my dad has his own business. I should work for him right? or help. I know they expect me to help my dad but you know his company is damn far away, almost out from the city so I really am not interested...... I am scared my Dad will get angry or disappointed over this. Besides I really want to have a taste of working outside. Actually before this second recommendation from Ce Yina, I have made up my mind to work at my Dad's until University starts. When U starts then I will find a job out there. At least when I have helped Dad, I hope to hear no more 'undutiful', 'useless', 'ungrateful' and those words.
Maybe if this 2nd recommendation doesn't pull through, I will really just settle at my Dad's first.
Poor Dad, too many problems are arising right now at his business, which has also caused me unable to further my studies abroad, in Singapore. You know it's been a dream since young to study abroad, it was something that is already set since young but suddenly..... yeah, I have come terms to it anyway :)
Since I will only be taking a diploma in U, hopefully by 3 years later our financial state will be good again or better. That my Dad will already be capable of sending me abroad for my bachelor degree. I will also work hard to earn money though I strongly believe I won't save much. After all, there is still hope for me to go abroad!
SWITZERLAND! _/|\_

May everyone be happy!


Check out Avril's new single music video!

So glad to see young Avril back in the new video. Really love the young her when she first debuted. Her style is beyond stylish. She is the only one earth that wears a tie with a tanktop. She was the first one. And she never ages! 11 years have passed and she still looks the same. I think the video contains some messages but I can't figure them out. She looks stunning in her prom dress! So much love for her! xoxo


And I really love this cover by Tiffany Alvord. So lovely!

Love both the male and female's voice! There's a chemistry in their voices. I think they sang it better than the original singer. Love this!


Pictures are from Google
Videos are from Youtube

Needed to Write

Allright, I am just gonna write shortly and whatever that's on my mind now.

So we went to Malaysia at the 22nd and returned home on the 26th. The moment I arrived home the first thing I wanted to do was make a blog of our holiday. I wanted to do it the next day thinking I would have had all the picts by then. But I didn't managed to until now...
Pictures are incomplete yet so I do not want to make a holiday blog first but then even if I had the picts, I couldn't possibly upload everything. I will go off before my computer does!
Some other day maybe when I already have all the pictures.

University starts in another 5 months. I can't wait for it to start. I need to spend 4 months to work. To earn money and most importantly gain experiences and opportunities. I basically want to work in every jobs right now. The sudden feel to need to have experiences and learn everything. Even working in the banks-which I always tell myself I never want to work in offices-crossed my mind.
Went to the bank today with my Mom and I got quite interested to be a teller. I don't know! I want to work in the tourism industry. Tours&Travel companies or hotels. I want to be a tour guide and tour leader but given the state, I can't start yet. I am sure no employers want to hire an employee for a short term period. If I work while studying, I can't leave the tourists to attend my class.
I am vexed. I don't know what to do.
Do I apply that job as an English teacher? I saw one on the newspaper and they have been posting the ad some months ago until now. The requirements are also simple. But I have no faith in myself.
Seriously I have this fear of going to work. I think I am really stupid and then I will make mistakes and bungle the job, nevermind if I suffer at my own mistakes but I can't forgive myself if others get harmed because of me. Ah, why am I so useless. Grant me some intelligence please!

Tomorrow will be my Dad's birthday! So happy about it. I have ordered a cake since 2 months ago. Kiasu right? Well because I remembered my Dad's birthday wrongly. I hope tomorrow all family members are present and then we can take a family picture with my polaroid (instax actually). Please!!!
We will also have our Graduation Ceremony at the 18th of May. Rehearsals will start on May 1.
A roughly of less than 8x of going to school still with the identity of students belonging to Sekolah Mondial. Will miss this sekolah so much! Where I have spent a decade.

Before I end,

I have my meals everyday, more than 3x sometimes. 

But the poor goes starving a day without meal.

I am thankful to be so fortunate. 

I have clothes, and I can buy them when I like.

But the paupers can't change their torn clothes.
I am thankful to be very fortunate.
I have a bed to sleep every night, with pillows, bolsters and blankets.
But the homeless always have to worry where they will sleep.
I am thankful to be really fortunate.


I am contented.
And so I am damn grateful. 
I am determined to not fulfill my wants.
And just be thankful for everything all the time.
Grato!

As free as a bird now..

The National Exam is done!!!
Hip hip hooray!!! FIESTA!!

This year for the first time in Indonesia, the National Exam(UN) ended up a failure. 11 provinces in Indonesia had to postpone their exam because there was a lack of distribution of papers. Is the new system to be blamed? In order to make students do not have the chance to cheat at all, the Ministry of Education made the new system of 20 packets-which was only 5. All thanks to seniors all over Indonesia that had been dishonest in the exam. From year to year they could buy answers and pass the test. It's very unfair to those who have studied hard. Even more preposterous are those selling the answers. Some of  them are none other than the school principals and teachers plus others I ain't interested know who. So low down right?
I think it's a wise move from the ministry but it didn't pull through and it's not very efficient.
Still I am grateful we got the papers in time and everything basically went well.

UN this year is so hard! Gosh.....
They always say try outs are harder than UN but the fact is not. I pray hard that I get good scores. It was very very hard. Given the state I will consider myself very lucky already if I managed to get 7.... but 7 is only a C... duh
I don't wish to see any 6!
For the sake of UN I actually woke up at 2 and studied till 5:30 in the morning. I can't believe I had the will to do it consecutively for two nights. Almost collapsing after the UN was over. Hope my efforts won't go wasted.
All along Maths used to be the hardest and worrisome but during the UN I swear it miraculously became the easiest of all. I can't believe I found so much answers, straightly. I was all smiling while doing Maths. The rest subjects I don't want to think about them anymore...
I had the chance to ask teacher for answers, actually to put in words it's confirming and discussing. Not asking for answers. *you think it's just excuses * Only 1 subject though. He was all prepared there waiting for us......

Now I'm as free as a bird.. 
And school is really over :(


I have no plans on what to do but I really don't want to waste my life staying at home everyday. My brain will lose its functions. I know I have to try going to work but I don't feel like doing it yet. I just want to start University asap but it's starting in another 5 months. *man, it's too long*
100% confirmed at UIB!
So do I work for my Daddy or find a job in the tour and travel company? I always see so many tour buses and I keep imagining myself talking inside facing people. I want to be tour guide so much and tour leader! The job looks fun and easy. Or working in the hotel wearing and carrying classy look. I don't want an office job like an accountant it's too boring. I want to be exposed.
Work for my Dad?
My poor Dad, his business is not going well right now. I really hate how his employees cheat him. They are corruptors! Ungrateful and shameless! I wish I could help my Dad and make them sorry.
In big corporations, employees are like mice, no guts. But why for my Dad it's not happening the same thing? If ever my Dad is driven up the wall I will surely make you all pay for it.
Poor Dad who's lived half a century is still slogging out every single day. He never had it easy since he was young. He's the same age as Donnie Yen but look! Yen's hair is still black and his face is still smooth, while my Dad? His hair has grown white from all that thinking and stress, his face doesn't look smooth, his skin tone is dark having to be exposed under the sun everyday. Has high-blood pressure and cholesterol.. sigh.. sad to see my father not having life easy. Gives us everything.. But never bought himself anything. He doesn't even use any smartphone just the damn Nokia! Can't operate computer! He never attended school but he is a BOSS! He is my FATHER!
When I am some more older I promise I will repay you Dad. I will take care of you and make you happy :) I love you ya :*

For my Dad!

Image source: 
http://mypineplace.blogspot.com/2012/03/good-life-spring.html

And so there's only 5 days left to the National Exam, tomorrow we will goto school just to have a prayer together.
Today that was for the very last time we study together.
At the last minutes of Maths, our teacher made his parting speech, he apologized if he had hurt us. It was definitely sad to hear and have that kind of parting moment, which made Vivi The Charcoal burst to tears.
I will never forget this cheeky teacher, I will miss his silly acts, he really needs to have a taste of an old shoes. A favourite teacher...
Thank You for your teaching and the laughter you brought to us.


What an ending coming to an end.


Since the day we started to be dismissed at noon, I only had a nap once. I really need one right now, needing the state of to not be conscious but the guilt of napping instead of studying is attacking me.


And I still feel it is more comfortable to borrow from that class. I did it.
Going to take my nap...


Need to strive for my goal!!!!!

Strive for the last time!

Looking at my blog archive tells me that I have started writing since 5 years ago. That was so long ago. Will I still be writing again 5 years later?

Today is already 6th of the month. I only have as much as 9 more days until the National Exam. I have started studying and set a goal for myself. Being in school for so long I have never achieved anything impressive. Now it's my last year of school, it's time to leave a mark, a huge one!
The only thing on my mind now is studying, nothing else! I want to reach my goal! His achievement is my motivation right now. I know that given my performance as a never outstanding student, telling what my goal is will just probably make my teachers and friends laugh at me. I don't disagree with them as I have certainly set a mission impossible for myself. But with all the strength and motivation I have, I hope it becomes possible. I am so gonna strive and push myself hard!
So before I continue studying I want to write here to get all this out of my chest to lighten myself.

As for my university thing, I have chosen UIB. I have done the test and I only need to do 1 more thing to be admitted. This is faster than what I've expected. I have come to terms with attending this university.. It's allright, as soon as I finished my diploma I hope I will be able to get my bachelor degree in my desired destination. Anyway many of my friends will attend UIB too. UIB it will be!
I hope it will be a great 3 years! Working at the day and rushing to university in the evening. I love a rushing life. I hope I get a job in the tour&travel company!

I also need to have that feeling of 'looking forward' to my next phase of life but I really don't have it. I am too attached to school I don't feel like leaving at all. I need to detach or I will be the one to suffer.

 

I HOPE I CAN REACH MY GOAL!

A Monday noon

UAS is finished today you could say school is also finished because until the 15th next month we will only be studying 6 lessons. Goodbye to subjects that I won't get to study again- maybe till I die.
From tomorrow onwards we will be dismissed at noon. I failed to cherish the last day we studied till 4, I didn't know it was the last day that day. I would fight to remain in school again, 2 more years please? Dear school I really don't wish to leave. I'm so attached to you! I will miss lots of things.....

I am reading something and brings flashbacks, everything comes back to my mind. All things happened during school, they are still vivid but they seemed so far away.

SAD

As I'm free or more of lazying, I get on my computer. I rarely do this, don't know what's with the sudden urge to. So I'm reading something and listening to Avril Lavigne, searching for her live shows on Youtube. I really can't help but love her so so much. She has been my idol for many years, since 2007. I am really happy I have her in my life, she owns a place in my heart. Maybe I sound over but I really like her so much despite not having the chance yet to meet her. I believe that when I see her someday I'm gonna cry- right when she's infront of me, and it would be embarrassing!
She is the best singer for me. I love her voice, she sounds perfect even at the highest and lowest pitch. Thinking of the reasons I love her makes me wanna roll and and hug at the floor. Her songs are really 'me', I enjoy her songs very much especially her first and second albums. I will never get tired of her songs even till now I listen to them. IT'S A DAAAAAAMN COLDDD NIGHTTTTT~
Her new single will be out this April on the 9th "HERE'S TO NEVER GROWING UP" I have heard the snippet and it sounds yummy. Yay Abbey! Lots of love for you

SHE IS SO BEAUTIFUL

I LOVE HER STYLE, MY INSPIRATION

I LOVE WHEN SHE SINGS LIVE, SHE NEVER LIP-SYNC

HOPE TO MEET YOU SOON DEAR AVRIL!

I would probably be like this when I see you, hug me okay!!! hahaha

I was surprised I was not called the way I supposed he would. I want to know why.
That sweet young thing ahhhhhh I can't resist- is contributing to my sadness of leaving school.

EARTH HOUR 2013

Earth Hour is today. Action of turning off lights at the same time across countries for an hour to save our planet against climate change.

"Did you know that deforestation is responsible for up to 20% of all carbon emissions globally. This year Earth Hour has particular focus on forests. The WWF-Russia team reached 100,000 signatures on their petition for protective forests, which could be the catalyst to reinstate a ban on industrial logging in an area equal to twice the size of France. We've also started the world's first Earth Hour Forest in Uganda, to fight against 6000 hectares of deforestation that occurs in the country every month. Plus, we have many people planring trees as part of I Will If You Will challenges."

I DO EVERYTHING I CAN TO SAVE THE PLANET!

That's a very great news! I also think that Forest problem is a priority. Reconstructing damaged forests will make a huge impact to our planet. Start planting to allow plants to suck all the carbon, the cause of our planet getting hotter.

So Earth Hour in my country is done! I'm looking forward to next year! Hopefully more people will be aware of the great importance of this cause. And most importantly not saving only once a year but make it a part that you do everyday all the time.

Go beyond the hour!

Hye Rin came back last night so we went to meet her today. She is back to take her school documents and will go back to Jakarta at noon tomorrow. I can't recall if she had been back during these 3 years so I thought it might be awkward when I see her but to my surprise I enjoyed the day. No awkwardness and I can feel the bond.

With Hye Rin!

With my Nemoo

The Girls

With Dodo

I hope Hye Rin will come back again soon. Have a safe flight!

Last night in my dream I met my love. That feeling was incredibly genuine. We were talking and it was the first time we met. But when we began talking it feels like we have known each other very well inside and out and have been together for very long. Looks like we have forgotten each other and then meet again and our love comes back. Maybe that was our rebirth? I felt how strong the love. I have never felt so real in my dream, it was too real. When I woke up I felt like you have entered my life and I can't recall. Or I haven't.



Only pictures with me in it belongs to me.
Otherwise all pictures are not mine. 
Credit: Google 
This post only.