16th of the month

When it comes to the 16th of every month it means ALLOWANCE DAY!

But actually it is never punctual, we always receive our allowance in delay. My dad is busy, how can he remember such thing and his struggle (in business) always puts us off to ask our allowance from him. When I want something, I NEVER ask it from him directly. I couldn't. It is always through my mom. I really can't bear to ask anything from him. I know he won't say no, that's why I know I will only be adding his burdens. I also keep on refraining myself to 'play' when he's around. Play means like: using my phone, touch the ipad, etc. I don't him to think that I am already big but still insensible. Sometimes in the past, it's possible to not see him at all for a whole day, I don't really communicate with my Dad and that's what really sad for me... I wish we were closer.. even my siblings too. The thing that I have always wanted to do but never have the chance yet is just to give him a massage.... I wish someday I could. 

So if everything goes well, tomorrow I will be submitting a cv to a car company. They posted an ad on the newspaper, they are hiring! I got attracted to its Marketing because the requirements are damn simple: owning a driving license and graduate of senior high school. That's all. I want to give it a shot so I turned down ce Yina's recommendation. I went to Central today to have her review my cv but the laptop battery was drained so I just asked her to send an example of good cv to me. She told me that she was afraid the job isn't really 'marketing' she was afraid the job is being the 'coach' for test drives, because why would you need a driving license? I agree with her...  

I don't know. I am confused. Anyway no harm submitting. IF I get picked then I will be given the full details of my job and if it doesn't turn out to be what I want I can simply reject! I need to rush out another cv asap.

Tomorrow will be the general rehearsal for our graduation. I am really pissed that some of our classmates are such non-chalant. So indifferent and unconcerned. HELLO? We are going to have a graduation and they only came ONCE for the practice or leave before the practice ends. Where are their senses? How could they don't give a hoot at all? Graduation is a big event in life. If you can't even appreciate it, I really don't know how you need to carry on your lives. None of my business actually, just saying.

It's 16th of May! I can never forget this day! Precisely today a year ago, I started to join Batam Tectona, my volleyball club! But my time in the club is less than a year, only roughly around 6-7 months.. I am so passionate towards this sport. I thought joining the team can make me a professional player but I have stopped training since February!! 

It's been damn 3 months I have stopped and this is not what I want!!! Sigh. 

It all started because I injured my themor (lower part of the thumb) while playing volleyball at school. It was really painful at first and I just let it be thinking it will heal by itself. I had also been aiding myself, applying meds and giving it a rub on my own. Who knows as time passes by, instead of healing it got worse. It hurts everytime I am on training especially while tossing the ball. My themor was badly swollen and I only started to get myself treated 3 months after the incident. Outrageous huh? I visited so many different physicians just to cure my hand, I even went very faraway just to get treated. It was despairing that my hand never got better until my aunt recommended a place where his husband was treated. After 2x of bandaging, the swell was completely off. Nothing beats that happiness of recovering!

Since my hand just got recovered my Mom didn't allow me to return training. Well even if I didn't get injured, she still won't allow me. At the same time Chinese New Year was approaching so I just stopped and who knows until today I still have not returned yet. Very saddening.

You have to know how hard it was for me to keep staying in the club. Too many obstacles and lots of problems that made me grieved. The tears that I shed just to keep on training. I never failed crying after every training, not because of the harsh train. But.... ( I don't think I will say it)

I always have to leave training before it ends just to rush home and I would go home getting scolded and worse than that. Never had a perfect thorough training. Thinking of all that is making my tears flowing. Really sad that I am not allowed to do one of the things I love most in life. It was really hard to have no support from the people that I needed. Nevermind if there were no supports but why give me pressure? and those abuses... mentally and physically.

Anyway I doubt I will ever go back to the club anymore. Just sometime ago I learned that my coach has been assigned a project and need to move to another city for 8 months. It is impossible to train without him. He is our only backing because he is a chinese like us. If he's gone how do I and Vivi continue training without a chinese at all in the club? We will only be treated as air.

Because of his departure we can't go back anymore.... 

I really don't want to stop training!!! I want to be a professional player.

I guess it's only just a dream to me now..?

Picture from Google