Internship Plans

Today is the submission of our internship documents and thankfully class today was postponed so I have the time to fill in the documents needed to apply for my internship in Bali. Gosh BALI BALI BALI!!!!!!! I am so so excited looking forward to my internship but at the same time I am very worried what if I don't get accepted in the hotel and resorts that I want. I am gonna be in despair. Ah.

After much considerations, I chose 3 hotel/resorts that I fancy

1. Bulgari Hotels & Resorts 

2. Four Seasons at Jimbaran Bay

3. Centara Grand Villas Nusa Dua

I want Bulgari so much! At first it was my senior who told me about his experience there in Bulgari which convinced me to apply at the same place too. Bulgari is really stunning from the pictures that I saw in Google and most importantly it's a 5 star luxurious accommodation (excuse me while I wipe my drool)!! 

Resort Views

 Room Interiors

Fine Dining

Water Wedding
                                                                                                                                                              pictures are from Google.

Simply enchanting isn't it! But the bad news is that one of my lecturers said he had talked to someone from Bulgari about our internship but that someone told him we won't be able to make it into Bulgari because they will have began interns earlier before our schedule is set to. I felt disheartened and still refuse to be convinced so I asked another lecturer, he told me it's still possible despite I have said that someone from Bulgari had talked to our lecturer. Still I wouldn't dare to expect so much as I fear the bigger disappointment I will get and so I searched for alternative hotels and found the alluring Four Seasons

Bar & Lounge

pictures are courtesy of Four Seasons

Last but not the least, when I have left with no more choices then it's Centara Grand Villas.

Well not much pictures I found as fascinating as the other two, looks like typical resorts for accomodation but since it's also a 5 star hotel and has chains around 13 countries so why not consider? Might not be bad. I have no interest at all in the Kitchen / Pastry division so I will be applying for the Front Office. I actually wanted Restaurant too but at the thought of I might be a put as a waitress.... No. It's not that I don't want to start from a low position but I think it's such a big pity to go all the way to Bali just to be a waitress besides I have been waitressing for several times and I don't enjoy it at all.   

The only thing I am looking forward in my life right now is this internship and the reason I endure working is to save for my living cost later during internship. May everything goes well as planned or even better and hopefully I will get recruited in the resort that I want.

Goodluck to me and goonight!!!

SATURNIGHT

Just staying at home tonight after sending Eka off to the airport earlier. Feels so quick. Still remember the moment when he told me that he was coming back here, then today comes and he's returned again. It's all time's doing. Time has passed so quickly that I feel like I am losing it.

I am happy to just stay at home tonight. This week has been so tiring I barely slept for 7 hours a day since Monday. Finally tonight I can get a good night sleep especially when it's pouring outside right now. Such a perfect night I really feel grateful! But there's another thing inside me. I have been feeling so dejected for the whole day. It started out last night. I am feeling so asdfghjklsad trying to let go things inside of me, it's so hard but I have to. Time, all I need is just time, time will wash everything away and since I am fully aware of this all the more I should not allow myself to sink into those unhappiness. I have to be realistic but what makes things worse is my own self. So many dramas are running inside and agitating me. So much noises inside! Why do I have to think and feel so much. Why do I have to be easily bothered. Why I can't hold a grip of myself. Why I just can't let things go. Why why why!!!!!!!! 

I HATE THE ENVIRONMENT OF MY JOB

Is the title of my blog tonight clear enough? I do not hate my job but its environment, which is driving me mad. So long as I still work there, I will never feel like I am truly living a life because all I get to feel there is lifeless. No space to grow, too much uneasiness, so much frets and having to stand on some looks. So fed up. I don't know why but I just can sense it and I don't know if my senses are right but that's how I feel. Whenever I am on my phone and my boss sees me I FEEL like he's unhappy about it. He actually ever told me off for focusing too much on my phone and honestly I really can't take this lying down. Yes I admit I am always on BBM, WhatsApp, LINE, Emails and in fact very active on each of them but what crap does he know? At least half of the time I spent on my phone is getting my work done and the rest when I no longer have works to do! I use social apps to inform debtors about their due payments and emails to check the invoices that they are going to pay and at the same time sending them their credit statements. I feel so wronged. Each time he summons me I am always scared that he's going to tell me off again for using too much of my phone.You think I am having fun with my phone when actually I am using it to accomplish works for you! My goodness I truly can't stand staying there anymore, this is just one of those unpleasantness.

I am going to approach him tomorrow. No, not to explain the phone thingy because I don't care what he thinks and I am not the kind of person that has so much energy to explain things to unnecessary people. How much I wish that I am going to talk to him about tendering my resignation but dear, it's just not the time yet. I am in the endurance period. I don't feel like writing what happened because it's too exhausting. Just thinking about the matter itself is already draining me out. I am afraid my boss is going to blame me for not telling him about this matter sooner, it's been dragging for like 2 months? I really don't wish to talk to him. I feel all my cells are bursting, bones breaking, organs malfunctioning, hair falling, muscles tearing, blood freezing, teeth shaking, nose bleeding at the thought of probably having to explain a mountain to him tomorrow. Well that's a bit too much but it's just how agonizing I feel working there. Somebody please save me! I just want to resign quickly and return to life!

This is for you boss!

Received a birthday gift from my friend today! I am so happy because despite he wasn't able to come and give it to me on my birthday-which he had intended to come but got held up over something- he still got something for me. Thank You so much Andro!!! It's not about the gift but the thought, I really appreciate it. Although we are not very close but we are considered closer than close. Anyway thank you so much.

I really appreciate it when people have me in their thoughts and spend efforts on me. Glad to have all you kind people in my life!

Mom and both my younger siblings will be leaving to Taiwan tomorrow for holidays which means I am responsible for guarding the house. This is stressful as I have to do all the house chores and maintain the house in shape. Since Mom will be away it means I won't have to do the chores everyday! I can slack and procrastinate the chores yay!! Safe flight and wonderful trip dear mom, bro, sis, uncle, aunt and little cuzzie, have fun! Come back soon! 

Geeee my face is looking like a pig trotters!!! It has been swelling for 3 days now and I can't leave the house without wearing mask. With this awful sight I might just scare people so nah. My face is not swelling for no reason, this is normal as last Saturday I FINALLY went for my dental surgery to remove that tooth inside my gum which cannot grow because there's no more room for it to grow. It also showed abnormal growth and doctor said it must be removed. I should have done this surgery 2 years ago but I procrastinated it so well until today. So me right? HAHA. Actually the real reason is I haven't raised enough money and found the right dentist yet. The word surgery itself already sounds risky so you don't just get any dentist to perform the job plus the surgery is not cheap, it costs like 7/8 of my current salary. I am broke for the next month. Anyway, glad that finally this burden has loaded off my shoulders! Now dear face, please slim back sooooooon

TGIF???

No more TGIFs ever since the day I started working in this company, working on weekends really sucks. Ugh. Yes I am going to groan about work again. I am really unable to stay there any longer. How many times have I said this? Too much until I probably have lost my head because I should know better to endure than to whine but this is the only place that I feel like spitting everything out. My happiness, unhappiness, every feelings and all that's happening.

So today we received our office uniform. I have been excited  for this day to come as I have run out of clothes to wear for work but for heaven's sake I have certainly gotten excited for the whole wrong thing! For damn sake the uniform couldn't get any more horrible, wait, describing it as horrible is an understatement! I am not over-reacting or being hyperbole but its horribleness....... is so much to hate. The design is really ugly especially the scarf thingy, they could have chosen better looking fabric with modest colour instead of pink and white stripes like some kind of stranded sailor wearing their washed out typical stripes. So old-fashioned! Nothing classy and fancy at all! Goodness how do you expect me to wear that kind of thing like seriously?! Especially when I have to be outside so much how am I going to wear that kind of attire to meet people? Actually when the tailor came to measure our sizes I have expressed that there's no need to sew one for me since I don't really have much months left in the company but my colleagues told me to go ahead. What more can I say? I considered that any oppositions I do is an act of rebel to them since I am the youngest up there.
Grooming is a big thing for me. It's a part in growing up. In the past I never cared what I wear, I dressed sloppily, so badly even my friends they were always talking about my outfit. I really felt bad. I hate what I wore in the past. Now everything has changed, I can take up to half an hour just to pick my clothes and change them again and again until I feel right before leaving the house. You are what you wear and I believe clothes are a form of manners too. Wear the right thing not only on the right occasion but at all times and most importantly showing pleasantness and being comfortable. Wear decently because our attire has a big role in affecting how people look at us. 
Well having to endure in the company for another 5 and half months is agonizing enough and now with that uniform, I feel like I am being sucked down to the bottom of the pacific ocean. Now who can save me from not wearing it?! Mamaaaaaaaaaaaaa I don't want!!!


Forget about work and its unpleasantness. I am enjoying my 3 months holiday! Yuhuuu my life is feeling so great. Class will resume again on the late September so I still have of plenty time to laze around and procrastinate. That's what I always love to do and I enjoy doing it! I love taking my own sweet time.

Since I am having holidays so I took this chance to sign up for Yoga classes. I got interested in Yoga recently because there's so much of it in my Instagram feeds. The amazing poses attracted me to learn Yoga and I want to be able to reach every part of my body, increase my flexibility and simply get fit. I have attended 4 classes and I really feel good about it. I just need exercises to lift my spirits because I love sweating! I hope this 3 months of Yoga will help me achieve what I want.

Goodnight!

SUNDAY

25th June 2014

Birthday is still in the air despite it has been over for like 10 days thanks to some of my dearest friends. I am so grateful to have some really good friends. Although some didn't make it on the day but they still made the efforts to give me a birthday bash.

1st of July 2014
Supposedly be in my room but well..... thank you Kenny for your room 

Vivi prepared the whole idea and the other 3 were just coincidences
ooops

My candids, I love candids! Who doesn't love one?

My crappy face

5th July

Thank you so much to all those who have wished, called, came, gave and even created a simple video pictures for me. I really never expected some would make the efforts to! A big thank you to all who did!

My favourite candid

I planned to sleep earlier tonight but the thought of Monday tomorrow ails me. Yes I am going to whine the same thing again: WORK. I really truly can't stand working there anymore, I really cannot! I have to hold on till December to raise savings for my internship next year. I don't like my job anymore, not at all. I feel I shouldn't have accepted this job at the first place. The office is so small and stuck that moving around is a problem, working on Saturdays until 3 pm sucks to the core, having some really unpleasant plus irksome colleagues to face every damn day and the most bothering thing is there's no room for advancement at all. Just not the environment I want to be in. I guess I shouldn't have agreed on this job. I have had enough. I just want to get this out of my life. 

When is December coming?! 

   

http://www.ottawavalleymoms.com/2013/04/confessions-from-this-stay-at-home-mom/

HAPPY 19TH BIRTHDAY!!!

TIK TOK TIK TOK......Time is ticking at 10.51 right now and I should actually prepare to turn in for the night but no, not tonight because my birthday is arriving in just an hour. Yay I am so hyped!!!
My birthday could be a perfect one if only I don't have to attend work. Seriously, I am so sick thinking of going to work tomorrow. It feels so exhausting to endure until December before I can finally quit that job forever! I wanted to quit already since March but for the sake of my internship next year, I had to keep the job. I just can't stand it any longer I hate to be there and I just don't want to do this anymore! Well, I know instead of grumbling there are much more that's for me to be grateful but please on account of my birthday let me have the little honor to grumble please? Anyway thankfully that previous matter has been resolved, maybe, I don't know I just do not let it weigh on me today. I only wish to look forward to my birthday with a happy and free mind.

Birthdays! That one particular day in a year where the whole complete day feels like it belongs to you. Well, actually everyday belongs to you too but don't you just find this one day special? Uh I can't maintain I can't help getting more and more excited as I keep on writing. I know there are some people that do not find birthdays special and why should I be this excited is because it's just special to me. It marks the day I complete my journey each year since birth and I am still granted to begin another new journey to look forward to the next birthday. In which, birthday itself is actually a reminder of time. Yes, each year it comes, it reminds you that you have gotten older again and when you realize you are getting older you should be aware that your time is getting limited. Time is getting lesser so don't let it go to waste. Start doing what you have to, don't put off what you can do now because you never know if you still have the time to. If only everybody realizes how transient time can be I am sure many could have a more fulfilling life.
So use your time and cherish them while you still can.

This is what makes my birthday this year special as I have a definition for my birthday this year.

Just received a call and I knew it was 00.00, thank you for the birthday greetings dear friends! So grateful to have all of you as I embark on my 19th :)
Now, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!
I hope I can be a better person. 

UNLIKELY TO HAVE A HAPPY BIRTHDAY THIS YEAR

I am so stressed since last Friday my work has been weighing on me. I have been with the company for a year now, this month has got to be the toughest month for me and this makes me wanna cry again.
My work has been peaceful I never thought I would ever fret over handling these Accounts Receivable until last Friday when my Boss whom all this while has always spoken to me in a pleasant tone raised his voice at me when he saw there are some old unsettled credits. It wasn't very nasty but this is the first time he went loud at me.
So there are still several credits from Jan-Apr that one of our creditors hasn't paid yet. It's my job to collect these payments and it happened that when I demanded, they claimed they have paid all their debts, they have no more credits until May. I have to admit it's my fault for not taking further actions upon what they claimed. Something definitely is wrong, either they didn't receive the invoices or we mistook their credit to other creditors or there are just many other possibilities but I didn't check. This is where I failed my job. After my boss broke out at me I immediately checked everything and what blew off my mind is there are records that some of the credits have already been paid! How could I not be terrified. Where's the money?!?!!!
Geez, I am really so vexed I am feeling so helpless now I just can't think what went wrong. There are indeed some they haven't paid but what about the rest? Those with records that they have paid, just where is the money? I swear I never pocketed any money, not even any excess money. My conscience is clear.
Could I have misused the money to pay other's credit? I don't know I am just so stressed thinking of all the possibilities that could have happened and can't figure out anything at all. Please don't tell me I have to cover those credits.... with my own money, no no no please I don't want! I am saving my money so hard for my internship and then if I have to spend them this way is so tragic and it's not small amount of money. It's not even my fault. Sigh, I want to cry already I hate stressing like this, somebody save me please!!! Why this is even happening!! Why such thing has to happen approaching my birthday.
Sigh, I think all there's left to do is just to pray hard.

Image from Google

Talk about Life Priorities

HI!

I really miss writing my blog. I am having things that I want to write all of them here. Here is like a place that I can go to when I feel like being away from the world for a while. A place to be alone, scattering out all my thoughts and having a great sense of belonging here growing my own little world. Sometimes I just enjoy being in my own company so much without having to think of anything or anyone else. 

Sometime ago I took a Tibetan Personality Test that a primary school friend of mine shared. I have always liked taking these kind of tests so I went on with the link, followed the instructions, did the quiz and the results I think were quite accurate. This is one result from five that I want to talk about: the 1st Question- Life Priorities.

I was surprised that I actually put love above my family and money over my pride. Well..... 

1. FAMILY

My family is my everything. I am very thankful for my parents who have been raising me since I was baby and growing up together with my siblings, they are absolutely half of me. 

My dad is a very calm father, he does not scold but talk to us in a good tone unlike my mom who scolds at the slightest thing. Dad has been forever busy, his face says nothing but stress. It really worries me to see him that way, he is just too attached to his career and things got even worse in the recent years when his business flopped, which was one reason I had to give up continuing my studies abroad. Well, what good does it serves to be doing big businesses but unable to thrive with overwhelming profit? Why continue? He could just wind it up or switch but there are probably reasons that he just can't and I can't wait for the day he ends his business. I don't want him to suffer and slog out so hard anymore. 

While my mom until today in my age of 19 ( 9 more days away) still scold and nag at me so much that sometimes I really wish to be away from home. I don't know if I am really disobedient or it's just her. She puts housework above everything else, including my wellness, probably, and she might not have realized but she's being biased. I am not that kind of child that seeks so much love from my parents but I just need them to be caring and equal. I don't care about being less loved but at least treat us equally. Sometimes I really can't stand it but then I can never thank the heavens enough for giving me a self-less, hardworking and good mother who is always there for us, cooking for her beloved husband and children, who has been keeping the house, our home in shape. She has perfected her job as a mother. I hold her in awe.

No matter what, thank you Dad and Mom. I love you both, and my siblings. You are all my greatest treasure in life.

2. MONEY, PRIDE, CAREER  

Money can't buy happiness they say, but still we're all hoping and going after it like mad aren't we? How ironic. Well, it simply means it does but it's not everything. There are many things far more important than money. You can always earn money back but many things once you lose them you can never get them back. Money can be so dominative and at the same time worthless. I have to say that I do love money, I seek for it, but in every way that is right and clean. I need money but I don't live for it. As for pride, yes, I am willing to swallow it down on something that I should or get it hurt when inevitable. Chances are when you let your pride wins over you then there's gonna be things around you bound to be lost.

Money and pride are both labor and fruit of career. Having a good career is one of a bliss but for me I feel that to achieve great career requires huge dedication. One does not simply dedicate. I think there's more to life than building careers which tie you down. I never liked the feeling of being tied up. 

3.  LOVE

Sigh, this is the last thing that I want to talk about. Honestly I really don't know why but my love life is so not functioning. What even am I saying. Well, up to now in my age of almost 19 I have never been in a relationship yet. You must be thinking what's wrong with me isn't it? Well.....

So I spent almost 4 years when I was around 12 year-old liking a guy silently that probably doesn't even know about my existence. I really don't understand how I managed to hold out liking him for 4 damn years and silently at that! Looking back I really regret why it took me so long to move on, that's how my precious time in junior high school was wasted. This is one of the foolish things that I have ever committed in my life. You, if you ever learn the truth about this you better be proud of yourself for once having lasted in someone's heart for such a long time. Until today whenever I recall this matter I can't help feeling agitated, I know I have to put it behind me, he is not to blame but his presence is a bother to me. This feels like a scar.

I am not the kind of girl that takes initiatives and this is a fact that is never going to change. I am a shy person and I fear rejection. I lack courage and entertain negative thoughts. So when I like a guy chances are me keeping it to myself and I hate this as I had did one for 4 stupid years! I learned my lesson.

It's inevitable to grow feelings for someone, including someone that you don't know and this is the worst thing that always happen to me, one-sided affair. I really feel helpless when it comes to relationship. It's either me falling for someone impossible or I do not return their feelings. 

I think I should just go be a nun.

Goodnight.

AVRIL FINALLY LAVIGNE!

Before I decided to blog how life has been going on since my last post, I am back just to share one big and shall ever be a memorable event of my life: 

THE AVRIL LAVIGNE TOUR !

 

OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am so hyped so happy I just don't know how to bring into words how I am feeling. 

Until this minute it's still unbelievable to me that I will finally SEE her in another 3 days!

Ahhhhhhhh I AM GOING TO HER CONCERT!!! THE AVRIL LAVIGNE TOUR!! 

LIKE FINALLY!!!

I'm so touched and not being over-reacting, but the thought of seeing her is making me tearing....... in joy! 

Yeah, who would have known I finally get to see her in my 7th year of being her fan. Yes, it has almost been 7 years... I can never forget the first time she got my attention. She was truly a Girlfriend!

I am sure it is already fated that she is to be my idol. During I was obsessed with Girlfriend, Priscillia lent me The Best Damn Thing and amazingly it didn't take twice for me to listen to the whole album and I had already fallen in love with EVERY SINGLE song in the album. 

At the same time Villia also lent me a cd that has Avril in it, she knew I just began fancy Avril!

I owe it to these two people!

Madness, this song was a total kick I immediately fell madly in love with the song and Avril!

Thank You Villia!

I officially became her fan. It is still so clear to me that day when I was watching I kept on repeating.  

I was just 12 then!

 

 

*It is still very clear in my mind that this is the very first picture I see of her. This!

Looking back I have been her fan for so long. Seven years and still counting and I know I am unlikely to ever stop. I have fallen deep into her, she is already a part of my life. 

She is just so gorgeous to me. Every thing about her.

She sings the best!

 

*The Loveliest Bride

 

Now let me have my blessings okay? The thought of seeing her makes me goes

SEE YOU IN 3 DAYS MY LOVE! 

 

 

Hi

This is the only day I get to rest in a week. The thought of resuming activities again tomorrow makes me goes...............................................

Tomorrow will be the last week of freedom before I start university on the 23rd. The time has arrived, finally. I have been eager to start uni asap for many reasons.

Next Saturday if everything goes well I will be working as a part-time waitress for a wedding dinner. I am so excited!!! Have been wanting to do it since school days, I will get to earn money and have something to do rather than wasting my time at home. Why not. It's a taboo to refuse any money making opportunities.

For the sake of MONEY

TODAY I GIVE IN.

After all I'm grown up already it's okay if you don't understand that. I have learned what is right and wrong and therefore I will not be like before anymore. 

If in the past I would throw tantrums and be mad all day long, right now I am sincere in giving in. It's fine, it's not worth to cause any disputes over such thing it's pointless.....
I am learning to never be angry anymore all my life, sounds impossible right? Though so I won't stop trying and will work hard for that. Hopefully.

All that happens thanks to Dharma. Since the day I learned it, I have really held on to it. It has brought a big impact to my life. Guiding and became the foundation and pillar of my life.
So fortunate to be able to understand the Dharma.