HAPPY 19TH BIRTHDAY!!!

TIK TOK TIK TOK......Time is ticking at 10.51 right now and I should actually prepare to turn in for the night but no, not tonight because my birthday is arriving in just an hour. Yay I am so hyped!!!
My birthday could be a perfect one if only I don't have to attend work. Seriously, I am so sick thinking of going to work tomorrow. It feels so exhausting to endure until December before I can finally quit that job forever! I wanted to quit already since March but for the sake of my internship next year, I had to keep the job. I just can't stand it any longer I hate to be there and I just don't want to do this anymore! Well, I know instead of grumbling there are much more that's for me to be grateful but please on account of my birthday let me have the little honor to grumble please? Anyway thankfully that previous matter has been resolved, maybe, I don't know I just do not let it weigh on me today. I only wish to look forward to my birthday with a happy and free mind.

Birthdays! That one particular day in a year where the whole complete day feels like it belongs to you. Well, actually everyday belongs to you too but don't you just find this one day special? Uh I can't maintain I can't help getting more and more excited as I keep on writing. I know there are some people that do not find birthdays special and why should I be this excited is because it's just special to me. It marks the day I complete my journey each year since birth and I am still granted to begin another new journey to look forward to the next birthday. In which, birthday itself is actually a reminder of time. Yes, each year it comes, it reminds you that you have gotten older again and when you realize you are getting older you should be aware that your time is getting limited. Time is getting lesser so don't let it go to waste. Start doing what you have to, don't put off what you can do now because you never know if you still have the time to. If only everybody realizes how transient time can be I am sure many could have a more fulfilling life.
So use your time and cherish them while you still can.

This is what makes my birthday this year special as I have a definition for my birthday this year.

Just received a call and I knew it was 00.00, thank you for the birthday greetings dear friends! So grateful to have all of you as I embark on my 19th :)
Now, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!
I hope I can be a better person. 

UNLIKELY TO HAVE A HAPPY BIRTHDAY THIS YEAR

I am so stressed since last Friday my work has been weighing on me. I have been with the company for a year now, this month has got to be the toughest month for me and this makes me wanna cry again.
My work has been peaceful I never thought I would ever fret over handling these Accounts Receivable until last Friday when my Boss whom all this while has always spoken to me in a pleasant tone raised his voice at me when he saw there are some old unsettled credits. It wasn't very nasty but this is the first time he went loud at me.
So there are still several credits from Jan-Apr that one of our creditors hasn't paid yet. It's my job to collect these payments and it happened that when I demanded, they claimed they have paid all their debts, they have no more credits until May. I have to admit it's my fault for not taking further actions upon what they claimed. Something definitely is wrong, either they didn't receive the invoices or we mistook their credit to other creditors or there are just many other possibilities but I didn't check. This is where I failed my job. After my boss broke out at me I immediately checked everything and what blew off my mind is there are records that some of the credits have already been paid! How could I not be terrified. Where's the money?!?!!!
Geez, I am really so vexed I am feeling so helpless now I just can't think what went wrong. There are indeed some they haven't paid but what about the rest? Those with records that they have paid, just where is the money? I swear I never pocketed any money, not even any excess money. My conscience is clear.
Could I have misused the money to pay other's credit? I don't know I am just so stressed thinking of all the possibilities that could have happened and can't figure out anything at all. Please don't tell me I have to cover those credits.... with my own money, no no no please I don't want! I am saving my money so hard for my internship and then if I have to spend them this way is so tragic and it's not small amount of money. It's not even my fault. Sigh, I want to cry already I hate stressing like this, somebody save me please!!! Why this is even happening!! Why such thing has to happen approaching my birthday.
Sigh, I think all there's left to do is just to pray hard.

Image from Google

Talk about Life Priorities

HI!

I really miss writing my blog. I am having things that I want to write all of them here. Here is like a place that I can go to when I feel like being away from the world for a while. A place to be alone, scattering out all my thoughts and having a great sense of belonging here growing my own little world. Sometimes I just enjoy being in my own company so much without having to think of anything or anyone else. 

Sometime ago I took a Tibetan Personality Test that a primary school friend of mine shared. I have always liked taking these kind of tests so I went on with the link, followed the instructions, did the quiz and the results I think were quite accurate. This is one result from five that I want to talk about: the 1st Question- Life Priorities.

I was surprised that I actually put love above my family and money over my pride. Well..... 

1. FAMILY

My family is my everything. I am very thankful for my parents who have been raising me since I was baby and growing up together with my siblings, they are absolutely half of me. 

My dad is a very calm father, he does not scold but talk to us in a good tone unlike my mom who scolds at the slightest thing. Dad has been forever busy, his face says nothing but stress. It really worries me to see him that way, he is just too attached to his career and things got even worse in the recent years when his business flopped, which was one reason I had to give up continuing my studies abroad. Well, what good does it serves to be doing big businesses but unable to thrive with overwhelming profit? Why continue? He could just wind it up or switch but there are probably reasons that he just can't and I can't wait for the day he ends his business. I don't want him to suffer and slog out so hard anymore. 

While my mom until today in my age of 19 ( 9 more days away) still scold and nag at me so much that sometimes I really wish to be away from home. I don't know if I am really disobedient or it's just her. She puts housework above everything else, including my wellness, probably, and she might not have realized but she's being biased. I am not that kind of child that seeks so much love from my parents but I just need them to be caring and equal. I don't care about being less loved but at least treat us equally. Sometimes I really can't stand it but then I can never thank the heavens enough for giving me a self-less, hardworking and good mother who is always there for us, cooking for her beloved husband and children, who has been keeping the house, our home in shape. She has perfected her job as a mother. I hold her in awe.

No matter what, thank you Dad and Mom. I love you both, and my siblings. You are all my greatest treasure in life.

2. MONEY, PRIDE, CAREER  

Money can't buy happiness they say, but still we're all hoping and going after it like mad aren't we? How ironic. Well, it simply means it does but it's not everything. There are many things far more important than money. You can always earn money back but many things once you lose them you can never get them back. Money can be so dominative and at the same time worthless. I have to say that I do love money, I seek for it, but in every way that is right and clean. I need money but I don't live for it. As for pride, yes, I am willing to swallow it down on something that I should or get it hurt when inevitable. Chances are when you let your pride wins over you then there's gonna be things around you bound to be lost.

Money and pride are both labor and fruit of career. Having a good career is one of a bliss but for me I feel that to achieve great career requires huge dedication. One does not simply dedicate. I think there's more to life than building careers which tie you down. I never liked the feeling of being tied up. 

3.  LOVE

Sigh, this is the last thing that I want to talk about. Honestly I really don't know why but my love life is so not functioning. What even am I saying. Well, up to now in my age of almost 19 I have never been in a relationship yet. You must be thinking what's wrong with me isn't it? Well.....

So I spent almost 4 years when I was around 12 year-old liking a guy silently that probably doesn't even know about my existence. I really don't understand how I managed to hold out liking him for 4 damn years and silently at that! Looking back I really regret why it took me so long to move on, that's how my precious time in junior high school was wasted. This is one of the foolish things that I have ever committed in my life. You, if you ever learn the truth about this you better be proud of yourself for once having lasted in someone's heart for such a long time. Until today whenever I recall this matter I can't help feeling agitated, I know I have to put it behind me, he is not to blame but his presence is a bother to me. This feels like a scar.

I am not the kind of girl that takes initiatives and this is a fact that is never going to change. I am a shy person and I fear rejection. I lack courage and entertain negative thoughts. So when I like a guy chances are me keeping it to myself and I hate this as I had did one for 4 stupid years! I learned my lesson.

It's inevitable to grow feelings for someone, including someone that you don't know and this is the worst thing that always happen to me, one-sided affair. I really feel helpless when it comes to relationship. It's either me falling for someone impossible or I do not return their feelings. 

I think I should just go be a nun.

Goodnight.