Needed to Write

Allright, I am just gonna write shortly and whatever that's on my mind now.

So we went to Malaysia at the 22nd and returned home on the 26th. The moment I arrived home the first thing I wanted to do was make a blog of our holiday. I wanted to do it the next day thinking I would have had all the picts by then. But I didn't managed to until now...
Pictures are incomplete yet so I do not want to make a holiday blog first but then even if I had the picts, I couldn't possibly upload everything. I will go off before my computer does!
Some other day maybe when I already have all the pictures.

University starts in another 5 months. I can't wait for it to start. I need to spend 4 months to work. To earn money and most importantly gain experiences and opportunities. I basically want to work in every jobs right now. The sudden feel to need to have experiences and learn everything. Even working in the banks-which I always tell myself I never want to work in offices-crossed my mind.
Went to the bank today with my Mom and I got quite interested to be a teller. I don't know! I want to work in the tourism industry. Tours&Travel companies or hotels. I want to be a tour guide and tour leader but given the state, I can't start yet. I am sure no employers want to hire an employee for a short term period. If I work while studying, I can't leave the tourists to attend my class.
I am vexed. I don't know what to do.
Do I apply that job as an English teacher? I saw one on the newspaper and they have been posting the ad some months ago until now. The requirements are also simple. But I have no faith in myself.
Seriously I have this fear of going to work. I think I am really stupid and then I will make mistakes and bungle the job, nevermind if I suffer at my own mistakes but I can't forgive myself if others get harmed because of me. Ah, why am I so useless. Grant me some intelligence please!

Tomorrow will be my Dad's birthday! So happy about it. I have ordered a cake since 2 months ago. Kiasu right? Well because I remembered my Dad's birthday wrongly. I hope tomorrow all family members are present and then we can take a family picture with my polaroid (instax actually). Please!!!
We will also have our Graduation Ceremony at the 18th of May. Rehearsals will start on May 1.
A roughly of less than 8x of going to school still with the identity of students belonging to Sekolah Mondial. Will miss this sekolah so much! Where I have spent a decade.

Before I end,

I have my meals everyday, more than 3x sometimes. 

But the poor goes starving a day without meal.

I am thankful to be so fortunate. 

I have clothes, and I can buy them when I like.

But the paupers can't change their torn clothes.
I am thankful to be very fortunate.
I have a bed to sleep every night, with pillows, bolsters and blankets.
But the homeless always have to worry where they will sleep.
I am thankful to be really fortunate.


I am contented.
And so I am damn grateful. 
I am determined to not fulfill my wants.
And just be thankful for everything all the time.
Grato!

As free as a bird now..

The National Exam is done!!!
Hip hip hooray!!! FIESTA!!

This year for the first time in Indonesia, the National Exam(UN) ended up a failure. 11 provinces in Indonesia had to postpone their exam because there was a lack of distribution of papers. Is the new system to be blamed? In order to make students do not have the chance to cheat at all, the Ministry of Education made the new system of 20 packets-which was only 5. All thanks to seniors all over Indonesia that had been dishonest in the exam. From year to year they could buy answers and pass the test. It's very unfair to those who have studied hard. Even more preposterous are those selling the answers. Some of  them are none other than the school principals and teachers plus others I ain't interested know who. So low down right?
I think it's a wise move from the ministry but it didn't pull through and it's not very efficient.
Still I am grateful we got the papers in time and everything basically went well.

UN this year is so hard! Gosh.....
They always say try outs are harder than UN but the fact is not. I pray hard that I get good scores. It was very very hard. Given the state I will consider myself very lucky already if I managed to get 7.... but 7 is only a C... duh
I don't wish to see any 6!
For the sake of UN I actually woke up at 2 and studied till 5:30 in the morning. I can't believe I had the will to do it consecutively for two nights. Almost collapsing after the UN was over. Hope my efforts won't go wasted.
All along Maths used to be the hardest and worrisome but during the UN I swear it miraculously became the easiest of all. I can't believe I found so much answers, straightly. I was all smiling while doing Maths. The rest subjects I don't want to think about them anymore...
I had the chance to ask teacher for answers, actually to put in words it's confirming and discussing. Not asking for answers. *you think it's just excuses * Only 1 subject though. He was all prepared there waiting for us......

Now I'm as free as a bird.. 
And school is really over :(


I have no plans on what to do but I really don't want to waste my life staying at home everyday. My brain will lose its functions. I know I have to try going to work but I don't feel like doing it yet. I just want to start University asap but it's starting in another 5 months. *man, it's too long*
100% confirmed at UIB!
So do I work for my Daddy or find a job in the tour and travel company? I always see so many tour buses and I keep imagining myself talking inside facing people. I want to be tour guide so much and tour leader! The job looks fun and easy. Or working in the hotel wearing and carrying classy look. I don't want an office job like an accountant it's too boring. I want to be exposed.
Work for my Dad?
My poor Dad, his business is not going well right now. I really hate how his employees cheat him. They are corruptors! Ungrateful and shameless! I wish I could help my Dad and make them sorry.
In big corporations, employees are like mice, no guts. But why for my Dad it's not happening the same thing? If ever my Dad is driven up the wall I will surely make you all pay for it.
Poor Dad who's lived half a century is still slogging out every single day. He never had it easy since he was young. He's the same age as Donnie Yen but look! Yen's hair is still black and his face is still smooth, while my Dad? His hair has grown white from all that thinking and stress, his face doesn't look smooth, his skin tone is dark having to be exposed under the sun everyday. Has high-blood pressure and cholesterol.. sigh.. sad to see my father not having life easy. Gives us everything.. But never bought himself anything. He doesn't even use any smartphone just the damn Nokia! Can't operate computer! He never attended school but he is a BOSS! He is my FATHER!
When I am some more older I promise I will repay you Dad. I will take care of you and make you happy :) I love you ya :*

For my Dad!

Image source: 
http://mypineplace.blogspot.com/2012/03/good-life-spring.html

And so there's only 5 days left to the National Exam, tomorrow we will goto school just to have a prayer together.
Today that was for the very last time we study together.
At the last minutes of Maths, our teacher made his parting speech, he apologized if he had hurt us. It was definitely sad to hear and have that kind of parting moment, which made Vivi The Charcoal burst to tears.
I will never forget this cheeky teacher, I will miss his silly acts, he really needs to have a taste of an old shoes. A favourite teacher...
Thank You for your teaching and the laughter you brought to us.


What an ending coming to an end.


Since the day we started to be dismissed at noon, I only had a nap once. I really need one right now, needing the state of to not be conscious but the guilt of napping instead of studying is attacking me.


And I still feel it is more comfortable to borrow from that class. I did it.
Going to take my nap...


Need to strive for my goal!!!!!

Strive for the last time!

Looking at my blog archive tells me that I have started writing since 5 years ago. That was so long ago. Will I still be writing again 5 years later?

Today is already 6th of the month. I only have as much as 9 more days until the National Exam. I have started studying and set a goal for myself. Being in school for so long I have never achieved anything impressive. Now it's my last year of school, it's time to leave a mark, a huge one!
The only thing on my mind now is studying, nothing else! I want to reach my goal! His achievement is my motivation right now. I know that given my performance as a never outstanding student, telling what my goal is will just probably make my teachers and friends laugh at me. I don't disagree with them as I have certainly set a mission impossible for myself. But with all the strength and motivation I have, I hope it becomes possible. I am so gonna strive and push myself hard!
So before I continue studying I want to write here to get all this out of my chest to lighten myself.

As for my university thing, I have chosen UIB. I have done the test and I only need to do 1 more thing to be admitted. This is faster than what I've expected. I have come to terms with attending this university.. It's allright, as soon as I finished my diploma I hope I will be able to get my bachelor degree in my desired destination. Anyway many of my friends will attend UIB too. UIB it will be!
I hope it will be a great 3 years! Working at the day and rushing to university in the evening. I love a rushing life. I hope I get a job in the tour&travel company!

I also need to have that feeling of 'looking forward' to my next phase of life but I really don't have it. I am too attached to school I don't feel like leaving at all. I need to detach or I will be the one to suffer.

 

I HOPE I CAN REACH MY GOAL!